Work to Live

My graduate degree is finished. I have learned many things during this time. I have learned about conducting, music history, music theory, performances and increased my musical repertoire. However, some of the things I learned have little to do with the curriculum I was taught. In fact, in some ways these things are much more important than the curriculum. But there is a difference between knowing these things cognitively and putting them into actual practice.

I have learned that I cannot just push through stressful situations until it is over. I used to do that, but now I get sick or worse shingles. I need to learn to listen to my body and be aware of stress as it increases. I think ultimately learning to exercise more regularly will help me deal with stress in a more positive way, but I have yet to put that into practice. I need to make sure that I get enough sleep and that I plan some "down" time into every day.

I have learned that I am an introvert. During this time I was introduced to a book called "The Five Dysfunctions of a Team" by Patrick Lencione. One of the things he advocates is taking the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator personality test. Introvert vs. Extrovert is one of the 4 different areas. I learned that introverts may enjoy people but they get tired and regain their energy by being alone. This is me. I enjoy people a great deal, but I need time away from almost everyone to recuperate and recharge so that I can go out again and face the world. Time at home with my dog, Molly, is really good for me. It doesn't matter if I cuddle up with her and read a book, or watch TV. I just need this down time.

Along with down time, I've learned that I need time alone with my own thoughts. Even when I come home I tend to "do" things that keep my mind busy. Sometimes I just need to listen to my thoughts and allow the Holy Ghost a time to speak to me.

I have learned that I enjoy sunshine and long walks with my dog(s). I have learned that I enjoy playing with my grandchildren and interestingly enough with my nursery kids who sometimes act as substitutes for the grandchildren who don't live close enough to cuddle frequently.

I have learned that I LOVE playing the piano. When I get so busy with other aspects of music that I don't come home and play the piano for fun, I start to miss it. For years and year I would spend an hour or more every day just playing the piano for fun. When I started teaching music, I stopped playing the piano at home. I was doing so much music, that I didn't feel the need to play the piano any more. But now I have remembered how much I love playing the piano. I love accompanying people, I love (I know this is harsh) playing scales and doing Hanon exercises. I need to play more frequently.

I love the temple. I want to be there more frequently and regularly than I have this past year! There is no place on earth that is more peaceful. When I took tai chi, I learned about packing strength into your bones. I think about this when I am in the temple, only I think about packing peace and serenity and the spirit of the temple into my bones. I visualize packing the feeling of the temple into every pour and every cell of my body so that I am literally armed with power when I leave the building. I love the temple!
I have learned that I need to remember to slow down and enjoy life. I think that after Brian died, I decided that the best way not to be lonely was to keep so busy that I didn't have time to be lonely. Having a father who packed every waking minute of his life gave me a predisposition to this type of living anyway. Now I have learned that I don't want to live this way. I want and need time to enjoy life. I want to smell the flowers and decorate my house, and quilt and crochet and spend time with friends and walk my dog and read a books and take long baths, and spend lots of time at the temple and enjoy life.

I don't know if I can put all of these things into practice, but I'm going to work on it. Probably for the rest of my life. If is time to live. And if I get lonely, I'll learn to live with that too. Maybe, it will even give me the courage to go out and meet some men. Who knows?