Life Stresses

So what do you do when your life is so stressful that you keep getting sick? I really don't know the answer. It boggles my mind, because I haven't gotten to the really stressful stuff yet. Maybe I need to learn to remember that I'm 50 and not 25. Maybe I'm asking more of myself than I can give. Maybe, I need to just get over myself. I don't know, but somehow something's gotta give.

I know that part of my problem is pride. Yes pride. I think I can do all of this myself and there is nothing anyone can do to help me. So, I don't even remember to ask the Lord to help me until I am in over my head. So I'm trying to make my prayers more meaningful and asking for more help, about everything that I'm stressing about. That does help and has made a difference. I'm also trying to go to the temple more often. I know that when we leave the temple we are literally endowed with power from on high. So, if anyone needs more help and power it is me. I'm also realizing that I have a ton of sick days that I can take from school and by golly I'm going to use more of them. Then I can catch up on my sleep and spend some time doing those things that revitalize and recharge me.

I had a blessing where I was promised that the Holy Ghost would help me realize the things that I could drop to decrease my stress level. So far, almost everything I've tried to drop I've ended up keeping. The drama teacher said, "if it's too much for you to do the musical this year, that's okay, I can hire someone else to be the vocal coach." I decided to take him up on it. So he went to the principal and said I need to hire a vocal coach and the principal called me in and said, "What? You're not going to do the musical this year! But I think you should, it helps your program to grow." Yada, yada, I'm doing the musical! Yeah, we made a deal. I get to leave school early so I can do some extra work on my graduate degree and I will do the musical. Wait, I just added something else to my load! Now I'm doing the musical AND something extra for my degree! Aargh! My problem is I think I can do everything!

So today, I've decided on something else that I hope I can drop off my load. I know that there will be resistance to this as well. I'm going to stand firm and tell them I just can't do it. I'm looking for other ways to get rid of some of my commitments. Right now, though, it looks like there is nothing else to drop. There has got to be something!

I know this is probably hard to understand without going into the details, so here is a taste of my life. If you don't want to listen to me whine it's okay to skip to the last paragraph.

As part of my "deal" with the principal. I now arrive at school at 6:00 am. I will spend some of those mornings doing vocal rehearsals for the musical. Teachers talk about their teaching load in terms of "preps." Meaning how many different classes do they have to prepare for. For instance a teacher who teaches only Financial Literacy for 6 periods would have 1 prep. If they also teach Algebra 1 & 2, they now have 3 preps. Anything greater than 3 is considered large. Okay, so I'm teaching Guitar 1 - I've never taught that before so that is a huge prep. I have 4 choirs - I don't know how to count that, in one sense, after I have chosen my music and learned it and prepared it, it's just a matter of practicing the music. On the other hand, I have to chose and learn the music for each choir, so it is a lot of work. Then I have a combined class of Music Composition - and Music Theater. Weird combination, but Music Composition is mostly a matter of working independently. Or it would be if the stinking midi-lab would cooperate and work like it's supposed to, which it hasn't yet and I've spent hours in there trying to get it to work. Music Theater, we are going to put on a children's play in January, except the class number has dropped to about half and I need to choose a different play now and I haven't had time to do that because I've been trying to get the computer lab to work..... Anyway, I have more than 3 preps. Plus, I have be able to teach the music for the musical and that is almost a prep in and of itself. So, the jist of all that is that I have a lot of work to do at school. Oh yeah, and there is also All State in October and I have 12 students involved in that which means helping them learn their music and making sure they understand the commitment and get to all of the saturday rehearsals. Oh yeah! AND I'm an Academy Leader, which means that we have "Smaller Learning Communities" in our school and I am in charge of one of them. I have to convince a bunch of unwilling teachers that this will help improve the education of our students without increasing their burden of responsibilities and run meetings twice a month. Take roll and turn in the teachers who aren't supporting our efforts and arrange for activities like opening socials, and Academy month, career fairs, and closing socials.

Then there is graduate school. Technically I am taking 9 credit hours, although there is a 10th credit hour that I am not taking for credit but takes a lot of time and I am required to take it. So I have a 3 credit hour Music Theory Class. This meets once a week on Wednesdays from 4:35 to 7:05 pm. I have my private conducting lessons on Thursday from 3:30 - 4:30. As part of this I am helping with the Acappella choir on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 2:00 to 2:50 pm. (this is what I am leaving school early for.) This is supposed to give me some conducting opportunities and help me earn browning points with Dr. Allred, something that I need. Then I am taking a Instrumental Conducting class as kind of "home study" seminar, because those of us who teach high school can't go to the regular class, so they got this other teacher to teacher it. I am the only one taking it that I know about this semester. I have e-mailed the teacher, but he hasn't responded and so I should probably e-mail him again, because I have to have this class to graduate and I should probably do something to get the grade, etc.,etc. The other credit hour is for the Salt Lake Choral Artists. Technically you need 2 semesters of a choir class as part of your master's program, but realistically you have to be in a choir class every semester that you are working on your master's. One graduate credit hour, plus about $90 for music is more expensive than paying $165 for the whole year. So I'm not taking it for credit. Also, Dr. Allred wants me to be in the Salt Lake Choral Artists Lady's choir, ostensibly to be the assistant director to the PhD student who is the director. However, so far all I've done is go and sing with them. I think I'm going to drop this, because it is one more evening of work that I just don't have time for. Choral Artists meet on Tuesday evenings from 7:00 pm to 9:30 pm and the Ladies choir meets on Wednesday evenings from 7:00 pm until 9:00 pm.

So, on Mondays I get to school at 6:00 am, teach and work until 3:00 pm, then I'm supposed to spend from 3:00 until 5:00 pm helping with the musical. Tuesdays I get to school at 6:00 am, leave at 1:00 pm to go to the U to help with Acappella until 3:00 pm, then try to head home for a nap (ideally) then go to Choral Artists from 7:00 until 9:30 pm get home around 10:30 pm. Wednesday, get to school around 6:00 am, teach work until 3:00 pm head to the U for class at 4:30 pm go from there to Women's Choir (I hope not any more) get home around 10:00 pm. Thursdays, school at 6:00 am, leave at 1:00 help with Acappella, have my private lesson (very stressful!) go home and drop. Fridays same as Monday. Saturday's try to go to the temple and have some rehearsals. And somewhere in all of this I'm supposed to do my homework.

Then there are the other, even more important things in my life. My children and grandchildren and my service in the church. Oh yeah. The things that really matter, but the ones that don't scream to be taken care of.

So basically, I have too much to do and too little time and I'm going crazy and trying not to scream and have a nervous breakdown and pray that I can survive this year and things will be better next year. Please pray for me! Thanks!